How Violet Evergarden Turns Words Into EMOTION

Emotion.

Defined as “a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.” That’s what it means as far as pure definition is but as we all know, there’s no such logic that typically comes along with this concept. As much as we would like to think we understand it, this thing called emotion remains something intangible, almost corporeal. We feel these emotions every day as naturally as we do breathing, but do we truly understand them? How do we truly come to understand these emotions that reside within us. How do we express them? But more importantly, how can one understand what they are if they were never given a chance to truly feel them?

Words.

Defined as “a speech sound or series of speech sounds that symbolizes and communicates a meaning usually without being divisible into smaller units capable of independent use.” A collection of symbols that connects an idea, an abstract into something that becomes associated with that idea. Words are what we use to express and portray ideas. They are how we can understand the world around us and understand each other. And with words are how we assign meaning and identity these mysterious things called emotions.

One of the many things that children are taught at a young age are how to assign these feelings to words. That emotion you feel when you find something you like to do becomes “joy.” That feeling when you are reluctant in the face of opposition becomes “fear.” That hot, burning sensation you feel when something you don’t like is presented to you becomes “anger.” What is once unknown and natural becomes emotion and that emotion is given form by way of words.

But of course, the key is in how natural this thing known as emotion comes to us. This thing that is encouraged and taught by those around us who clearly understand these words that carry the meaning behind them. We are taught what they are. We are taught to feel them and to learn what it is to feel them. And eventually, we are taught by the rules of this world and the interactions with these others who experience this thing called emotion to hide them if necessary.

But what if one never received that teaching? What if one never was given the opportunity to understand this thing called emotion, let alone what the words attached to those feelings mean? What if one was never given a chance to truly feel emotion of their own accord? Because after all, these emotions are arguably what makes us truly human.

But Violet Evergarden wasn’t treated like a human.

A tool.

Defined as “a means to an end.” “One who is used or manipulated by another.” Something to be used in service of another. Something that has no worth to itself because it is nothing without someone using it. Something that was once known as Violet Evergarden.

A little girl with the appearance of a doll. Beautiful and small, yet one of the deadliest forces upon the battlefield. A weapon who knew nothing but combat and the orders of the one who was put in her command. A killing machine with no need for something as troublesome as emotion and thus was never given a chance to experience it. To feel the emptiness and pain of war. One who would be known as the War Doll of Leidenschaftlich.

A doll.

Defined as “a child’s toy in the shape of a person.” Something that is given the appearance of a human being, but is nothing more than a toy. A hollow, unfeeling piece of plastic or porcelain that is incapable of understanding feelings. Incapable of emotion. Something that is only used in service of another to simulate the behavior and appearance of a human being. A tool.

But Violet Evergarden, despite her appearance being that of a doll, despite frequently being referenced as such, was far from that. Though her face carried with it a beautiful yet blank expression, she wasn’t hollow. She simply lacked the opportunity to embrace and understand that which lied inside her heart. She was viewed as a tool and was thus treated as such–by all but one man.

Major Gilbert Bougainvillea.

A man born into an upper-class family–one with expectations rooted in the military. A man who appeared from the outside as someone who did not love and could not be loved. Stern, commanding, stoic and reserved; the ideal soldier. A man who wanted nothing and had no place to go.

To Violet, he was all that and more. He was her commander, her major, the one who she swore loyalty to and would never betray. The one who would give her commands and utilize her being as a tool however he needed. He was a man with beautiful, emerald eyes that filled Violet with an emotion that she could not comprehend. He was her world; her reason for being. For if he were to be gone, what worth would she have? What worth does a tool that could not serve her master have? A tool that lived…when he did not?

Why would a man like that tell Violet to live on? Why would he tell her to be free? Why would he tell her that he would never be able to give her orders again? Why did he tell her she was more than a tool?

Why did he tell her “I love you”?

Love.

What does that word mean? What did he mean by that? Why does that word, that phrase “I love you” fill her with an emotion she can’t comprehend? What is love? What does this word mean? Words. Emotions. Tool. Doll…Love. How could she come to understand such a thing? How could someone so empty understand?

A letter.

A blank page that’s covered in the words of one to be delivered to another. A blank page that’s filled with the emotions and feelings that one wishes to express to another. A tool that carries within it a message that could deliver to the recipient what could not be understood as clearly any other way than by collecting those words, those thoughts, those feelings into a page. A letter that was once blank becomes full of words.

There’s a reason Violet is drawn to the work of an Auto Memory Doll–a woman who ghostwrites letters for those who have trouble easily expressing their words on their own or for those who otherwise couldn’t write on their own regardless. This was a job that was taken on by those who sought to understand the feelings of another and fill pages with those feelings in the forms of words. The job of an Auto Memory Doll is more than simply typing upon a page, more than simply being efficient, typing quickly and having a wide vocabulary. It is a job that allows you to witness human emotion and feelings firsthand; to understand. But how can someone so empty do that? How could Violet possibly understand?

A typewriter.

A machine that transfers the words of another onto a page; to place one’s feelings onto that which is blank. The primary tool of an Auto Memory Doll–the primary tool of Violet Evergarden. It’s through Violet’s work as an Auto Memory Doll that she learns to experience the emotions of others. Through her interactions with others, she is able to understand the meaning that these words carry with them. Though she fails to graduate as a certified Auto Memory Doll at first, it is only because she only views it as militaristic, something that is procedural. It’s after her experience writing the letter for a broken older brother to his beloved younger sister that she learns what it is to be an Auto Memory Doll. It’s to be witness to the tragedy, the complexity and the beauty of human emotion and to transfer that onto a page with words that befit those feelings.

She learns to feel this wide spectrum that lies within the hearts of those she writes for; those she interacts with. A woman who desires more than to be trapped within her life in a small town. The feelings of a little girl with the weight of an entire kingdom on her shoulders. A young man who is trapped by the memory of his parents who left him. The grief of a playwright who wants nothing but to see his daughter again. Aspiration, dedication, gratitude, inspiration, adoration, longing, regret, love, love, love, love, love! Love! Love!

Love.

There’s that word again. That thing that fills her such pain, such joy, such longing. What is it? Everywhere she looked, that word, that feeling kept creeping onto the pages of every letter she wrote. The love of parents to their daughter who wants nothing more to leave. The love of a girl to the man who showed her care. The love of a father who misses his daughter with every fiber of his being. 

The love of Gilbert Bougainvillea to Violet Evergarden.

It’s through her desire to understand this emotion that Violet learns to grow. Like a blank page being filled with words, every interaction places within her an understanding of a new emotion, a new feeling. She learns to contextualize these things she previously could not comprehend into something that she could not contain. It’s fitting that despite her arms being nothing but metal, it’s those cold, unfeeling hands that reach out the furthest and are able to truly feel for the first time.

But of course, among those feelings is pain.

The pain of guilt from the lives that she took, from the lives she could not save, from the life that was sacrificed for her sake. The pain of regret from not being able to do more than she could. The pain of being helpless while her master told her to live on. The pain of the loss of the only one she truly loved and the one who truly loved her.

She truly was on fire. Despite being blank, she was covered in tears, scars and stains. The blood of those she killed, the blood that was spilled by the loss of her arms, the blood of Major Gilbert Bouganvillea. This fire of regret, this burning pain that she now understood and felt very well consumed her. Gilbert was her world, her very reason for being. His orders gave her purpose and now she would never received another one because he’s gone. He’s gone because she failed to save him. Because she lived when he did not. Why should she live when all of these people died? Why should she have a chance at life while others lost everything because of her actions? Why should she be praised for her work as the one who gives so much to others if she’s the one who took so much away? 

Because she’s Violet Evergarden.

There’s a reason why Violet was so good at her job, why she was one of the greatest Auto Memory Dolls around. She sought to do more than simply write down the words of another, she wanted to truly understand. Though her face appeared blank, inside was a wide array of feeling welling up. A desire to feel and understand more. Because she was blank, she had nothing to hide.

Most of us will resort to the written word to contextualize our feelings. I myself can’t accurately get across what want to say without resorting to a script. We withhold so much within us that we can’t properly bring it out. We hide things from others that we wish them not to see. Sometimes, it’s not even something that we consciously do. We as humans can barely comprehend what it is that we’re truly feeling. We, despite being so full of emotion, are dishonest with those feelings and are terrible at communication. While our pages may be filled, we’ve closed them off. We hide those feelings from others for whatever the reason may be. For Violet, who had nothing to hide, it was simply a matter of reaching out. Her arms were gone and her limbs were fake. This broken, torn and scarred individual reached with every force of her being to understand, and as she wrote a letter for another, as she pulled those feelings out from each individual who saw that earnest desire from someone far more broken than them, another word was written upon that blank page. As she changed through her experiences with another, she saved these people from those emotions that they were hiding from deep within. She who could only comprehend the literal and never the abstract now understood the vast complexity of human emotion. As she sought to understand others and herself, those she came to interact with understood the people that they were and the feelings of another. 

It was Violet who gave that broken older brother the courage to become what his little sister saw in him. It was Violet who gave a mother the chance to pour out the love for her daughter that she would soon be forced to leave. It was Violet who gave a family and a lover the chance to hear a man’s final words to them. It was Violet who proved to Gilbert Bouganvillea that there is more to being just a tool. This little girl, this broken, bruised and deeply wounded doll with an appearance so blank was stronger and more full of passion than anyone would have ever expected of her…or that she expected of herself.

She would have to live with the sins that she had committed. Like every other word printed onto that blank page, those scars and burns will forever remain. But that’s who she is. Every feeling, good or bad, wonderful and painful, Violet would cherish because she finally understood. Her page is full, so full that after accepting those feelings, the words that lie within them, the emotions that she now understands can’t help but overflow. That once beautiful, stoic face of a doll was now the vibrant, smiling face…

Of Violet Evergarden

Gilbert’s last order to Violet was simply to live freely. To live a life where she was more than a tool to be used by others, a weapon that served no other purpose but to spill the blood of others. To live not for the sake of others, but for the sake of herself. This order was given to the one who Gilbert Bouganvillea loved with every fiber of his being, the one who showed him what it was to love. Though he believed himself to be the cause of her perception of herself being nothing more than a tool for orders, it was his love for her that gave her the passion to seek out what exactly that love meant. That order was his final gift to her. It was an order that Violet would obey for the rest of her life, not because it was an order or because it was the will of another but because she wanted to. After all, she still has a long life ahead of her. She still has more pages to fill.